DD vs. Abuse -- A Comparison

Abuse is nonconsensual. Domestic Discipline (DD) is consensual.

Abuse comes from a place of rage and emotional sickness. DD comes from a place of love and respect.

Abuse is about cutting off communication between two people. DD requires constant communication between partners.

Abuse is about lack of self-control on the part of the abuser. DD requires a high-degree of emotional control on the part of the disciplinarian.

Abuse is initiated by the abuser and women do not ask to be abused. DD is almost always initiated by the woman, who requests this lifestyle from her partner as something she wants and needs.

Abuse has no limits and is therefore life-threatening and dangerous. DD has defined well-defined and negotiated limits that keep both parties safe at all times.

Abuse can occur anywhere, anytime on any part of a woman's body with any weapon. DD occurs in private, and corporal discipline is confined to safe areas of the body with safe, traditional disciplinary implements only.

After an abusive episode, a woman feels terrified, exhausted and worthless. After a DD disciplinary session, a woman generally feels safe, relaxed, loving and empowered.

Abusers put on a "nice" face in public, but are cruel in private. Men in DD relationships are good men in public and in private and strive to treat their partners and others with respect at all times.

Women in abusive relationships are afraid of their abusers. Women in DD relationships are not afraid of their partners.

Women in abusive relationships are taught that they are worthless. Women in DD relationships are taught they they are precious, worth loving and important.

Women in abusive relationships "obey" their partners out of fear of abuse. Women in DD relationships "obey" their partners out of a genuine love and respect.

Women in abusive relationships suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Women in DD relationships seem to experience an unusually high level of self-esteem and confidence.

Abusers will not stop the abuse if it causes trauma. Men in DD relationships will immediately stop any discipline if there is evidence of traumatic reaction.

Women in abusive relationships become increasingly more helpless. Women in DD relationships usually become increasingly empowered.

Abuse flourishes ONLY in the absence of love, trust and respect, while DD is a choice that can only be made out of love, trust and mutual respect.