Cautions about the Loving DD Blog
One of the more comprehensive sources available online regarding Domestic Discipline (DD) is the blog "LovingDD" (http://lovingdd.blogspot.com). The author, who goes by the unfortunate psuedonym of "Mr. Loving DD," has a lot of helpful insights into this topic and I would recommend reading his material. (Speaking for myself, I've found his posts on male/female energies to be particularly insightful).
That said, there are some warning flags that bear considering when reading his blog and since posting to his site requires me to reveal what I consider to be inapppropriate personal details, I thought I'd share them here in hopes that they will help anyone interested in learning about DD.
1. He refuses to provide any details or information about his background and experience with DD or his relationship status. While, unfortunately, anonymity is an unfortunate necessity when posting on this topic, anyone who claims to be an expert on a subject has, I believe, an ethical responsibility to divulge enough information about his experience and background to justify taking him as a credible source (especially in an area as controversial and potentially volatile and sensitive as DD). If he's really an expert, he should have no problem posting a bio detailing the source of his expertise. And if he's just a normal person who believes he has something useful to share (like me), that's great -- but he still has an obligation to disclose his background to so that people can evaluate his material in the context of his experiences.
2. He's written literally hundreds of pages on DD and discipline (and self-published two bookson the subject), but we never hear one word from his partner. Perhaps this is because he doesn't have one and is merely speculating and engaging in wishful thinking without any "field experience" to back it up? Hard to say, but without her perspective, it's a bit hard to take his more extreme positions seriously. (How about a post on how SHE feels about the difference between humiliation and humility?)
3. He frequently encourages the women who post on his site to call him "Mr." and "Sir," and has started a somewhat bizarre trend in which women debase themselves to him as part of their "discipline."
4. He has recently begun requiring women who wish to comment on his articles to his site to post the intimate details of their discipline. While this type of behavior might be appropriate and titillating on a BDSM site, it seems to me to be far from what DD is meant to be, and a bit of a case of "power corrupts." Perhaps this is just overzealousness or simple human error. On the other hand, perhaps it's 's urther evidence that the author of this site does not have real life experience in a DD relationship and is instead a latent abuser who needs to get his "fix" by dominating the women who read his blog. Since he's created an environment in which he doesn't allow anyone (least of all women) to question his material, I suspect he's getting a little out of control with his own issues of dominance and submission. That's often what happens when someone in a position of power is allowed to do his thing without criticism or feedback.
5. He routinely encourages and approves of discipline that, at least to me, seems to cross the line from discipline into abuse. Some examples:
- Approving a post in which a woman's punishment for poor housecleaning was to lick the furniture clean.
- Approving multiple posts which encourage public nudity and humiliation as a disciplinary tool. (example: doing naked corner time in the presence of friends, family and strangers).
- Writing an entire chapter in his new book, "Advanced Loving DD," on why humiliation is an essential part of DD. (see the article on this blog regarding this issue, "Humiliation vs. Humility")
The point is, please read his posts with a bit of caution and do not consider the "Loving DD" blog to be the ultimate authority on what DD is and should be. Please use common sense and good judgement when evaluating the advice of anyone, particularly someone whose background and credentials are being deliberately concealed.
Posts
I'm glad you posted this, some of women on the DD blog grovel and it makes me sick. i think dd has a lot to offer, but they take it too far sometimes
ReplyDeleteI was glad to read this post. I'm not really in a DD marriage, but part of me wish for discipline sometimes. My husband does spank me on ocation, but more as a forplay. I also found the LDD blogsite some time ago and found some of the articles usefull. But the posts seemed to get more and more extream and hence creating distance from what I initially and instinctly believe to be LDD. Some of the things is definately taking it to far towards BDSM.
ReplyDeleteI love your site and your way of writing. I'm not sure my husband would ever agree to truely discipline me, as he (like you've written elesewhere) has a fear of really hurting me or taking things to far. I find comfort and love in this notion, and love him so much for even trying, as he was total and utterly vanilla when I first expressed an interest in spankings. Please keep up the good work. It't nice to hear wise words from a woman in the scene. Thank you!
Dear Vivian,
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more, and I think you have expressed your concerns in a very rational, fair, and thought provoking way.
The LovingDD site has been a very big influence on me because so much of it really is done quite well, and it is the first site I came across which put a name on what I had already started to realize I needed and wanted in my life. As it happens, there are also elements of consensual BDSM in my current relationship, in addition to the DD, and I think the LovingDD site really speaks to that.
Which is precisely the problem!
Just as you said, Mr. LovingDD seems to come up with new excuses for spanking at regular intervals, encourages spanking for no reason other than because the man can, humiliation, etc. Some of the women who write in are clearly engaging in what is a sort of sexual interaction with him, and are using DD to get off, not to realize their full potential as strong, valuable and valued women. Some of the abuse these women describe is so disturbing in the context of a loving DD relationship...and the fact that he accepts these comments, compliments these women on their submission, and encourages the men to go even further, is I believe the proof that your suspicions about Mr. LovingDD are entirely founded.
I am so pleased to have found your blog. Excellent, well written, and thought provoking. Nice job!
Thank you for articulating this issue. Like you, while I have found some practical and useful insights on LDD website, I have had problem with so many examples of UNLOVING husbands/HOH using their power only for self gain. It appalls me to read about husbands requiring their wives to work like slaves for them when the women also have full time jobs outside of their homes. I've read one account where a husband requires his wife to get up early and pack his suitcase for his business trip and make and serve him breakfast AND still have time left over to sexually please him before he left. She received unimaginable amount of punishment because while she did everything else, she did not have enough time to please her husband sexually and do her hair before leaving for work herself. Unbelievable. And I think these kinds of posts actually encourage some other selfish and abusive men to act just as badly.
ReplyDeleteThese are the kind of examples that give DD a bad name.
Thank you for your intelligent articles. I would love to see more of them, especially from MEN.
That is very true. When i first went to the ldd site, i thought, "this is interesting." But as more and more stuff was added, i thought, "hey this doesn't sound like ldd to me anymore, this sounds like bsdm!,
ReplyDeletewhat that ldd website and what bsdm have in common is that , (altho the author of that site vehemently denis that his site has bsdm themes)
1) both encourage public nudity
2) butt plugs, altho he says that they shouldnt be on his blog as they are controversial
3)encouraging woman to call other men "sir" which in my opinion, is part of bsdm
4) encouraging women to be entirely submissive and agreeable to their hoh. That's not good because the way he says it implies that the woman should agree with whatever the hoh thinks, including politics or whatever, even if it is not the woman's opinion. and women should always have an opinion. if not, we will just be slaves
5)in the punishment book, like u said, he encourages them to tell everything, and i dont believe that is good, since i think some details should be intimate. And isnt ldd an intimate thing, to share only with the hoh and urself?
6) Like you said, he is encouraging public nudity, and as i said before, i think ldd should be a private thing, to be only shared between a couple and not a thing that is openly displayed
7) also, i agree with what u say about humiliation adn humility humiliation and humility is entirely different. For example,u would humiliate a SLAVE while u would instead, help ur wife, whom u love, to learn humility. I mean, if u love ur wife for real, u wouldn't want to humiliate her and esp, not in public.
it seems to me as if lovingdd wants a perfect sex slave who will do anything he wants...and i read the preview to his advanced ldd book. toliet training? frontal discipline? anal discipline? all sounds like bsdm to me...he says they are ocntroversial...well of course, itz BSDM! it seems to me that lovingdd is a middle-aged man who has a boring life and marriage (if he is married at all) and writes down his wet dreams on his blog. Really, that's what i think when i read his blog and the posts that the women puts up. And tearful fellatio? what does that have to do with improving a woman's behavior? all he wants is for someone to give him a blowjob! when i read the punishment book, it is like im reading erotica or something, not a serious blog about ldd. (sry if this is a bit long but im glad that someone shares my opinions.)
I dislike the loving Dd blog because of the emphasis on it all being about the man 'helping' the woman to be a better person etc, with no suggestion ever that the man might need to watch his own behaviour, or that anything could ever be the man's fault rather than the woman's. The impression I have of Mr Loving Dd is that he thinks all women are half-witted. His attitude towards women seems very condescending, which gets on my nerves somewhat.
ReplyDeleteLouise
Hi All,
ReplyDeleteDon't know if you have picked this up but it appears to me that the entire LDD site is written by the same person. Take a careful look at the writing style, the sentence structure, the spelling, the flow of words...especially with the responses to articles.
Have you ever wondered why the updates take so long? No website in the world could boast such precision in replicating the authors own writings, spellings, opinions, perceptions and plain old language.
People spell things differently, refer to things differently, use different language, mispell, use different sentence structures etc. But NOT on the LDD site.
Maybe it's clones. Maybe it's aliens...but I challenge you to look at this carefully across the whole site and decide for yourself. It is simply too much of the same from every respondent, using the same language etc.
In my opinion, this is a person living out their sexual fantasies via the net by creating articles that titilate them (fantasy) and responding to themselves for all of us to read, believing that we buy into it and accept all we see.
This is one of OUR problems. Because media says it, shows us it, tells us it...then it must be true!!!
It's a little like media going to Movie Directors and asking: 'Does movie violence affect the behaviour of children?' The answer would be 'Absolutely not!'
Why don't they ask an advertising agency? They spend their entire lives and enormous amounts of their budgets learning how to manipulate us to do what they want and spend where they want.
So please, don't be fooled by what you see JUST because it is in written form in media. Evaluate it and read between the lines.
Look really carefully at LDD and decide for yourself if you think I am right. But for my part I see the following:
All responses are filtered
No disagreements are allowed
All responses are completely one
All language is the same
Writing structure is the same
Attitudes are the same
Acceptance of everything is the same across all topics...ie; Yes you are right, Yes I must, Yes I will, Yes I cant wait, Yes I deserve it, Yes I am hoping HE will, Yes I am a subservient slave to his will.
While as a man I agree with the need for discipline of a wife who has yet to find herself, I do not agree with a sexual pervert using the web in such ways. Information is information and you can find it everywhere on this medium. All the dangers pointed out in this article are very relevant.
My wife constantly ignores ALL the relevant stuff that is important to me personally and our marriage, and I am leaning her towards LDD because she really does need it. Why? I hear the feminists ask...accusing me of being a thug or a control freak! Because 4 years of being sexually ignored, wanting only hugs and kisses, talking about what will happen later and NEVER delivering, not keeping promises in every area of our lives, ignoring the needs of home and baby and being so self obsessed that all else can F off is enough.
How I implement I have no idea, but so form of reperussion is needed here. It does not have to be spanking but it does need to be short, sharp and to the point. I don't agree with treating a woman like a child and taking away TV or PC or Shopping rights. That just seems juvenile to me and insulting to my wifes intelligence - and she is a very smart woman.
Her place is not a place of subsevience but a place of partnership. But her partnership is essential, and if she continually ignores that then what should a man do? That is my question to all of you good people.
Warmest regards.
It seems to me one of the (many) paradoxes of DD is that the women that could most benefit from it are the most resistant, wrapped up in entitlement, anger and a false sense of what constitutes power and equality.
ReplyDeleteThe sad, but ethical reality, is that until and unless these women VOLUNTARILY seek out a DD lifestyle, it would be perceived, rightly or wrongly, as abusive to impose one on them.
I believe that for DD to have any hope of working, the woman must come to a place on her own where she recognizes a need to re-align herself with more authentically feminine power -- and that in and of itself is somewhere that most women of our day and age will probably never arrive back at.
Thanks for writing!
-Viv
My guess is that most people reading here, while they may have Mr LovingDD's first book (LDD - Loving Domestic Discipline) have NOT read his second book, (ALDD - Advanced Loving Domestic Discipline.)
ReplyDeleteThis book is truly a travesty and basically negates anything positive from the first book, which is questionable enough. ALDD is nothing but a guide to the most vicious of BDSM techniques. ALDD recommends, among other things, urinating in her mouth and requiring her to drink it as a punishment technique. If two women need to be disciplined together, the HOHs can urinate together onto the floor and the two women can lick up the comingled urine.
It's shocking to me that more has not been said on the DD blogs since this book apparently has been available for a year or more. The author of this book has nothing to do with Domestic Discipline.
I read both books and was appalled by Advanced LDD. It appears Mr. LovingDD has disappeared from the internet.
DeleteThis is my first visit to your blog and I am inspired by your article regarding the LDD site.
ReplyDeleteAs a 56 yr old male who has been married for over 30 yrs in what we call a 'Traditional' marriage (before the internet), I too am amazed at what this self described 'expert' suggests at times. I veiw his 'expertice' on real DD to be exremely limited. I would hope that a couple be very comfortable in their DD relationship before venturing there.
Humiliate my wife? Not in my lifetime.
JT
I am so glad I found this website. I first learned about this lifestyle a few months ago and it intrigued me. I wanted to learn more, however, many sites require you to join, which I do not want to do yet.
ReplyDeleteI first came across the LDD website and at first I thought it was very informative, however as I went on, I found I did not like this lifestyle because he makes the women be mere robots subjected to their perfect husband's decisions about discipline and submision.
I must admit that the topic of domestic discipline is atractive to me, however, I am someone who has her own opinions, I am a profesional who is not willing to be humiliated, especially in public, and I believe that everyone had a dignity that deserves to not be violated.
After reading your website, I have come back to be interested in this lifestyle, because you expose it in a very different and actually a loving way. Thank you for this.
When I first visited the LDD site I felt that he did not even actually like women. I have heard him referred to as a classic one handed typist.
ReplyDeleteIt does not take long when reading his site to figure out that he is a very sad individual who has no real experiences with women. Certainly no positive ones.
I am looking into DD and the Mr. Loving DD was the first site I found. I am interested in a man who is strong but kind and considerate, who knows how
ReplyDeleteand when to spank. I was fascinated when I found his site because I did not know there was this type of information available and so much of it.
I read his punishment book and found some of it very disturbing.
The saddest post I found is the one on New years day of this year, this poor woman was told that she will either live in DD or her husband will leave her. She does not want him to leave, I'm not sure if it's love or financial reasons the post doesn't say.
He told her that she must quit her job, be naked at all times when he is home, be spanked with a belt or LJ for 30 minutes every night for a month in addition to 3 maintenance spankings a week. She must have sex with him whenever he wants and it will all be about pleasing him. She has another post on the 19th where she says she is in constant pain, her husband has purchased a very scary whip and this is the hardest thing she has ever been through.
When I read that post I cried and it still haunts me. This poor woman is being forced into this and from what I have read on other sites it looks like what he is doing is BDSM rather than DD. I wanted to shout out to this woman, get out now while you have a chance, before
this man takes every shred of dignity and self esteem you have! Of course here is no way to contact her.
I noticed that Mr Loving DD does not make any coment saying that the husband should not force his wife into this or that he is being to harsh keeping her bottom black and blue for a month as he said he planned to.
There are also several post on there about vaginal and breast spanking which made me cringe. I am not interested in things like that or BDSM. I think it's fine if it's two consenting adults who really want to be in BDSM but not when one is forced.
Most of the punishment book postings on the Mr. Loving dd site I find abusive, there is only one where the HOH really seems to care about his wife and punishes her for not taking care of herself. It is not a beating he gives her but an OTK spanking with his hand and before he does it he tells her about how much he loves her and does not want anything to happen to her.
At first Mr. Loving dd's articles seemed interesting but as I read more of them I realized his view of women seems to be that they are stupid and must have the rational converted to the emotional via a hard spanking, strapping, belting, caning, grounding and humiliation because they just can not understand the basics of life. Then I thought this must not be for me because I do understand that if you have 100.00 in your checking account you do not spend 200.00 I have been self employed most of my life. I would not be able to live in a situation where I had to ask permission to breathe. I do not want a man to abuse me, I want someone who I can trust and be able to give up control via a spanking.
I was about to give up when I found your site and realized you do not have to be stupid or incompetent to live in a DD relationship. I was happy to see that there are men who post here and say they would never abuse or humiliate their wife and that they do not control every breath she takes.
Ever wonder if "Mr. Loving LDD" is the same guy who posts the "Sexual Discipline" blog? Maybe they're brothers. Married to Stepford Wives?? I've always thought that guy, who also writes the "Marriage Bliss" blog, has never been married and never had children, and is only writing his fantasies.
ReplyDeleteOn the Internet, anyone can pose as an authority. I appreciate your article exposing the LDD site's potential fraud.
Belle
Thanks for the reality check concerning Mr. LDD. It was pretty clear to me early on that he was writing many of his own comments to the articles he posted. It would be amusing if it weren't so pathetic. Good for you for bringing the probllems with his site to light.
ReplyDeleteI agree that some of the entries on the LDD blog are over the top. Also, I've heard some people say that they believe he makes most of the responses up himself. I did however want to point out that alot of what he promotes is what my husband demands of me, total submisson. While none of my punishments would ever be made public, he does feel that humilty while discipling me does bring about the type of submission he expects from me. Having said that, my husband would never want to be married to someone without an opinion, a veritable stepford wife. The thing is that I can say or disagree with whatever I want but its HOW I do so thats important. My husband demands a respectful tone, no lying, that type of thing. Some people will of course disagree with me but me knowing my place in our marriage gives me a type of inner peace and has led to a succesful DD marriage that has lasted many years.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
We have to always remember that we need to listen and follow our husband. He has more physical strength, money and above all has a penis.
DeleteI don't claim to be any expert in DD and haven't studied carefully the LovingDD blog but I would be deeply suspicious of any man claiming to have any natural superiority or any rights on women. DD can only be a (beautiful) gift that a free woman makes to the man she chooses and who deserves it. Besides, some of the treatments that earlier comments mention are deeply repulsive. Ladies, please avoid this sort of guys. We are not all like this!
ReplyDeleteThank you, All of you, for these much needed comments on Mr. LDD. My only caveat is that I am not sure BDSM is as nasty as what Mr. LDD describes and advocates, although I am no expert on BDSM. Still, the sites I have read don't go nearly as far as the LDD blog. Lastly, yea!! I too believe the Blissful marriage blog was the most ghoulish of fantasies and very possibly written by the same person (Mr. LDD). Both blogs describe robotic women who exist only for a man's use and pleasure, and both require that women who respond to the blog be acceptably servile. What misogynists!!
ReplyDeleteThe reason the MrLdd blog looks the way it does is that he aproves all of the post. Only post where the HOH is harsh, mean or there is a harsh discipline are aproved. If the HOH shows kindness or concern or is very gentle the post does not get aproved. I know because a long time ago before I was very experienced, I posted there. I posted a harsh discipline which I had earned that was published right away. When I posted in another section about a sitiation where my husband was very kind and showed compassion because I was having a problem it never got posted. I checked and it followed all the rules he has listed, I even emailed him but he never responded.
ReplyDeleteMy HOH has decided he does not like that site and has asked me not to post there. He said if someone ever tried to do the things MrLDD has posted there to me he would have to restrain himself from seriously hurting them or worse.
DD does not have to involve the man being cruel. My husband is definately HOH but he is very gentle with me. He has never bruised me, humiliated me and he doesn't make up alot of rules and wait to pounce on my when I make a mistake. Even a harsh discipline from him never involves anything more than an OTK spanking with his hand and some corner time. I don't like getting disciplined by him because I know I have disapointed and hurt him not because he is going to get out every implement known to man and beat me for a couple of hours.
Hi Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting.
I don't normally say this so bluntly, but with regard to the Mr. DD blog publishing all posts, you're simply wrong, and dangerously so.
The Loving DD blog, advocating as it does, the abuse and humiliation of women, naturally published your account of your harsh discipline, where as a more responsible site perhaps would shy away from doing so.
What "Mr. Loving DD" does not publish are the many attempts at criticizing his philosophies or warning the women and men whose posts are approved of the dangers of their practices. Those posts, it is my understanding, are never published.
Best,
Viv
PS -- You might consider -- and it's just a thought, truly -- that posting the intimate details of your punishments to any website is perhaps not an empowered or appropriate way of respecting your sexuality or that of your partner, and is, in itself, a dangerous game that is encouraged by "Mr. Loving DD" for his own vicarious amusement, despite the damage it does to those who post.
Hi Vivian,
ReplyDeletePerhaps it was not clear in my post above, I did not mean Mr. Loving DD aproves every post and lets it be published. I meant that because he has the power to aprove or not aprove a post only the post where the HOH is harsh usually get published. This gives people the impresion that DD is an arangement where the man is mean and cruel. It implies that every problem must be resolved with physical punishment.
You are correct that I should not have published in his punishment book, it was a few years ago and I was new to all of this. I actually thought his site had some authority. I have not posted in his punishment book since nor have I published punishments any where else. I won't give the details but the punishment was mild by his standards, harsh by mine because I have a very gentle husband. I could not even feel the effects of that discipine on my bottom after 2 hours. After reading the rest of his punishment book I am surprised he let mine get posted.
The other post that he did not puplish my HOH decided not to use any punishment to solve the problem. He was very kind and helped me work through the problem instead of using physical punishment. I beleive that is why it did not get published.
I am very glad you put this site up because the Mr. loving DD site really pushes being cruel to women and sadly many take it as what DD is supposed to be. There is even a post where the woman is spanked in her vaginal area until it swells and stays swollen. Mr. Loving DD says this is safe - it is not safe. Spanking a woman in that area can cause severe nerve damage and so can breast spanking.
I hope that women do not take his site as a DD authority and let their HOH's do these things to them thinking it's safe. I am very fortunate to have an HOH who is gentle and would never consider doing the things on his site to me.
Thanks for the clarification, Anonymous! And thanks for reading. I hope you'll continue to contribute your point of view, as the differing points of view of the blog are, IMHO, what makes it useful and valuable.
ReplyDeleteIf I was a bit blunt in expressing my concerns, my sincerest apologies. It's been a difficult day!
Warmest,
Vv
I think Mr. Loving DD is writting his own comments lately. He has alot of recent post and they all involve oral sex. The woman is ordered to perform it after a spanking. I don't think that is part of DD
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. So many people new to the idea of DD find the LDD blog and take him as an "expert" of sorts. A lot of damage can be done if someone takes his word as gospel. By the way, love your blog!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found this site. I also used to think Mr loving dd was an expert and spoke with authority.
ReplyDeleteThe last 2 post in the punishment book take the cake. They are in my opinion child abuse and Mr lovingdd should not have allowed them to be published. A 20 year old who is not experienced and has never had another relationship is married to a 42 year old. He gets angry because she doesn't know how much time it takes to make a Thanksgiving dinner and isn't ready on time - she gets whipped with the belt and the LJ for that then the next day she gets spanked and whipped for spending 3.00 over what she is allowed to she also gets 2 other "whippings" because he decided she needed 4 punishments for what she did.
It is just so sad, I know she isn't legally a child but she is so young with out any real life or relationship experience and he is 22 years older. He could easily be her Father.
I have a strong opinion that DD should be with consent and that means both people are old enough and experienced enough to give their consent.
I think the Mr Lovingdd site should be shut down because he encourages abuse.
Once we got away from the Mr lovingdd ideas, our dd mariage started working. There is so much more to DD than she does something wrong and he beats her.
20 years is not a child.
DeleteI agree entirely with the last post. I too read the entry in the 'Punishment Book' on the LDD blog where a 20 year old girl, who I believe said she came from a sheltered background, was married to a man 20 or more years her senior. The punishment seemed very harsh. I felt very sorry for the girl and wondered how much life experience she'd had or how genuinely consensual this lifestyle was for her.
ReplyDeleteI knew that if I submitted a post expressing concern it would be very unlikely to be published. I'm glad to see someone felt the same reservations.
As to the other comments made, above, I've only today come across this blog. I agree with many of the points made about the Ldd blog. However I think there might be some jumping to conclusions going on. In the past I've had three or four comments published on the Ldd blog exactly as I composed them, with no alterations made at all. I've never submitted anything to the punishment book part of the site, and all comments made by me were what I'd consider quite moderate, yet still were published. So I know that Ldd doesn't compose all the responses himself and I know, also, that he will publish less extreme comments.
In fact I seem to recall him at one point saying that all the posts submitted thus far to the punishment book were quite significant punishments, but in fact a punishment didn't need to be harsh for it to appear.
Nor does he advocate beating of breasts, as one commenter above seems to believe. I've seen him say numerous times that he doesn't agree with that practice.
20 years is not a child.
DeleteThank you Viv and all the other women who took the time to express their experience, perspection and opinion of the lovingdd blogspot and Mr. LovingDD.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was completely disgusted with one of the sections in Mr. LovingDD's ALDD Book that suggests a man should train his wife to be his human toilet. The man was suggested to train his wife to take his penis in her month and accept his urine so he need not have to make the effort to arise from the table and go to use the toilet.
At that point, my husband asked me to start "gently" questioning overly harsh punishments being discussed in the ALDD group or were posted in the ALDD Discipline Book.
Also, my husband sent a couple private emails to Mr. LovingDD.
I posted a couple messages expressing my concern that inexperienced men were harshly punishing women, for example, breaking skin with a lexan cane that required "no spanking" until the stabs had healed. Also, my husband sent a few private messages to Mr. LovingDD. The result? I received a private email from Mr. LovingDD asking if I was "threatening" him (with what, I don't know) and then without notification from him my access to the ALDD group was terminated. I believe Mr. LovingDD is a dangerous man and we need to take care that women who are reading his blog know he is only one man who has never revealed his identity or level of medical or psychological training and is NOT invested in their physical or mental health.
Agree on most of your comments. But how will inexperienced men get experience without practise?
DeleteI am lloking to promote this idea to my BF and the only "helpful" site i found was Mr. LDD, and it scared the CRAP out of me, thank you.
ReplyDeleteVery good post, as a casual reader I'm definitely happy to hear finally critical voices to Mr.LovingDD's attitude!
ReplyDelete>> especially because in the blog itself there are positive feedbacks from mostly women all over... and as a real HOH without much L/CDD experience you would be tempted to believe it without further questioning...
Hi, I'm the girl who was punished last Thanksgiving. I wanted to write here since so many people seemed concerned about me my mentor found this site and let me know that some people had posted about me.
ReplyDeleteI'm not here to argue with your opinions about the LDD blog but just to let you know that I am okay and very happy in my marriage to my HoH who is a wonderful man. I realize that the punishment may have seemed very severe but I am ok with him being strict with me as he is a wise man and I have a lot to learn from him and a lot of growing to do as a good Christian wife and mother (we have just had a baby recently)
I wasn't punished for not knowing how long it took to get ready for Thanksgiving I was punished for procrastinating, embarrassing him and lying and disobedience. He had helped me understand how long it took to get ready and I chose to be lazy. I remember when I was crying about being whipped my husband pointed out that I would have received a far less of a punishment had I just confessed that I messed up. Instead I chose to disrespect him and though I suffered during punishment I also benefited from it. I know that spending $3 over the limit doesn't seem like much, but the thing is: if you vow to obey, then you obey. If I disobey my husband in small matters I will disobey him in large matters. He wasn't angry about three dolars, he was angry about disobeying, disrespect, and lying. I am proud to say that I have never been punished that severely since then. So I'm okay, don't be worried about me. I appreciate your concern though.
Thanks for taking the time to tell us about your experience! I haven't personally followed your particular story, but I hope that you will come back often and contribute your point of view. Most of what makes The Disciplined Feminist a special place is that all (respectful!) viewpoints are encouraged and yorus is a welcome one.
ReplyDeleteWarmest,
Viv
Has anyone noticed that the LDD site is gone? I don't know if it moved or is just gone for good.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it looks like the LDD site is gone.
ReplyDeleteYes the site is gone- but I am wondering if anyone knows where I can possibly find his 'FAQ for men' page. It was really helpful and I have a friend who is interested in LDD, and I wanted to send it to her. But now it's gone! Anyone know where I can find this or something similar to it to possibly help my friend out?
ReplyDeleteGreat article and VERY Interesting site. I can't wait to read more this is very intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cindy! I hope you'll read and comment often.
ReplyDeleteWarmest,
Viv
Thank you everybody,
ReplyDeleteFor this insightful post. Today I went through my old article printouts about D/s lifestyle, since we decided to resume one with my boyfriend.
I used to read the LDD blog with internal conflict about parts of it (mainly the misogyny and BDSM bashing), i wanted to show my partner which sources I came across in my search for meaning...
What you describe is ghastly! Fits the profile of quite a disturbed person. Thank god the comments were probably edited or self-written. Well seems like I just made another conclusion, new road to travel down - there is a lot of spanking related erotica out there and what I really needed was a sensible, real life approach of real couples which I found of Fondly and Firmly.
Hi, I'm from Ireland and I don't know if anyone here in Dublin has tried a LDD relationship...especially real 'Dubs'. Couples here are different indeed, the men tend to do anything to keep their partners happy so they won't have to listen to them moan. The immature ones' play mind games with each other and no one wins. And the oldies have love and respect for each other over the years which works out just fine, as my marriage has for 34 years without rising a hand to each other.
ReplyDeleteI came across your site this evening and I liked it and agree with your views on that ' Man ' who writes all that dangerous stuff on LDD. There is enough violence in this world of ours without him adding more.
M.H.D
Was an inexperienced 19 yr old when i met my mate spent 28 years trapped with a sexual sadist.. there is a big difference between BDSM and straight out sadism....
ReplyDeleteSome other women have commented that some LDD or CDD boarders on BDSM. In fact, the kinky world is safer & saner than Domestic Discipline. There are No safeguards in CDD; no one to oversee the HoH. If this was really to help the poor, inferior woman then why does the the discipline never end? Why doesn't the HoH say to another HoH, "I' planning to spank my wife on the ass for 10 minutes & then lash her with a whip about 50 times. So, do me that much so I can see if it is too harsh." If men were really superior to women they'd be able to "make her feel loved" in a different way. I mean, at first, I thought it was a good idea because I, myself, am not a self-starter. I have been on the computer ALL DAY & not any of it was for a job either. Some of the ways BDSM is better than CDD: 1. Submissives may be either men or women- it's what a person really is. A man who is NOT a dominant type, who is TRYING to be one will become a bully, no two ways about that. 2. The submissive is encouraged to give out "hard limits", in other words what she does not EVER want. In LDD, some women are "spanked" for rolling their eyes! I mean, it's very wrong for a women to sneer at her husband in public*, but no one in a civilized country* would allow a child to be "disciplined" the way some of these women are!!! 3. It isn't Christian if, the word "Christian" still means "CHRIST-like". Jesus didn't say the woman "taken in the very act of adultery" be whipped; instead, He wrote the crimes/sins of each member of the stoning committee in the sand, so they left, humbled. Or at the very least, scared stoneless. 3. In the Old Testament, amongst all the other laws is one concerning the whipping of a Hebrew. He was not to be beaten with more than 40 lashes because otherwise, "his brothers may begin to despise him." I'm sure that in these more extreme cases, that is what happens in CDD marriages. 4. No oversite in the LDD or CDD home. 4. There is a reason civilized * countries have laws against wife-beating. Men can't be trusted to do right w/o oversight. If there was a truly loving man, planning to beat his wife, he'd say to another husband, "I'm planning to spank her for five minutes & then whip her with my belt oh, fifty or so, as long as she's sobbing uncontrollably. Give me that, so I can see if it's harsh enough." In the olden days, and still in some communities (sects) of Judaism, a woman can appeal to a group of Jewish men - don't know how they are chosen - if her husband is too brutal, refuses to act in an acceptable manner in many areas - including refusing her sex! 5. They lie by calling it "spanking". It's "whipping"; a spanking is a few blows to the butt or the hand as a warning or punishment.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'd love to have a husband to take care of me, tell me I can't be on the internet more than such-and-amount of time, tell me what to wear**, etc. But who can one trust that much?
*A civilized country is any ountry in which women have the same rights as men. **As long as it didn't involve wearing high heels!