How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End
... the companion book to How to Get the Spanking You Want.
Finally finished, whew!
This book is written for our partners. I wrote it because I felt there was a need for some "how to" spanking material written from the point of view of those who want the spankings -- after all, who is in a better position (!) to say what works and doesn't work when it comes to spankings than the people being spanked, right?
Now that I've fulfilled my two-book contract with Variant, things will be getting back to normal around here and I'm looking forward to continuing to explore archetypes, sex roles and power as we've done at The Disciplined Feminist for the past three (almost four!) years.
I want also to take a quick moment to thank all of you who have emailed to express support and appreciation for these books, as well as all those who contributed to the research for the books, both recently and over the past 23 years that I've worked with these issues. The e-book experience has been a very rewarding one -- I may even write another one if I think of another topic! (suggestions, anyone?)
I'd like to encourage anyone who has read either book to contribute suggestions, ideas and thoughts about how to make them better. It's always been my intention that both of the books be a positive resource for the DD (domestic discipline) and spanking communities.
As I wrote How to Give a Spanking, I realized there was one section of the book that felt like it ought to be a Disciplined Feminist post. So I've included it below, slightly adapted to the blog...
Posts
Another book? Cool. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI just read the post on the Submissive guide. Looks well written. Two questions. First, I would like to be spanked by my wife, but she has expressly forbid me from asking. Personally I do not consider myself a masochist, but think she could relieve her displeasure with me by spanking and I would thereby get my pleasure from being of service to her (if that makes sense). Do you think there is a way I could raise the subject with her?
ReplyDeleteSecond, is your relationship a female led one, even though you are the one receiving DD?
Hi Subservient Husband,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for writing.
I wrote "How to Get the Spanking You Want" (and the companion volume) specifically for people, male or female, who want spankings from their partners and have either been rejected or too nervous or embarrassed to know quite how to ask. "How to Get the Spanking You Want" focuses on step by step instructions for how to approach your partner with this subject, as well as a detailed discussion of why your partner may be reluctant to spank you and how you might sensitively handle this reluctance in a way that respects both of your needs.
The second book, "How to Give a Spanking," while technically written for partners of those of us who want spankings, is a further exploration of why many are reluctant to spank and may be useful as well.
While there is, of course, no advice that works for everyone, I believe (and the majority of readers seem to agree) that what's in these books (particularly the first one) is the best information currently available on how to get your partner to spank you.
While the books are written using the male as spanker/female as spankee perspective, the information in them is applicable to relationships of all gender combinations. When I refer to "male," for example, I am really referring to the masculine part of one's personality, which we all have, whether we're men or women. (just as we all have a feminine side, man or woman). Were your spanker to spank you, she would be exploring her masculine side, even though she is a woman, and so the psychology is applicable to her as well.
As to my own relationship, my partner is male.
I hope this answers your questions. If you have further questions, please feel free to email me using the address at the right and I'll do my best to answer.
Thank you for reading!
Warmest,
Viv
This is wonderful stuff ... as a writer of erotica, i find this to be a great source of information. How else would you write about it if you've never done it ... of course ... that may change.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and your comment, Lillith. I'm glad the book is a resource for you. I hope you'll come back and share your thoughts often.
ReplyDeleteWarmest,
Viv
i'm glad i found your page, full of frank honest thoughts for a change. feminist? i guess so. a nurse for many yrs thriving among thoughtless men. spanking? i chose a woman like myself who was asking, "could this really happen?" we discussed it and finally began a relationship that includes spankings, although we are so far on equal terms. spankings? wonderful! who would ever have imagined...?
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading "How to Give a Spanking," and I am really impressed. I have been a spanko for about 45 years and in all that time I have never read anything that explains the spankee's side so well. Thanks
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for taking the time to comment on "How to Give a Spanking" -- it means a lot that it was useful to you. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWarmest,
Viv
I ordered your books and read them both within a few days. They are great! Really speaks to me and about me. I feel more in touch with my own confusing punishment desires and needs, thank you. I gave my husband the how to give a spanking companion and asked him to start reading as my mother's day present. He didn't get to it until the following Wed. and he only read about 20 pages and fell asleep. I was visably disapointed and he knew it anyway we had a big fight :( It was all my fault b/c him not having the spanko gene has been at least trying to accomadate me. On one hand he has been making efforts. He gives me drive by smacks all the time. He jokingly talks about spanking. He even hung his belts on the laundry rack and leaves them there! Just taunting me and he has recentally starteed wearing a belt everyday which is new. That being said he regularly chooses to play on his i phone or watch the finacial channel when he gets a moment instead of breaking out the book. I know I'm going against the advice in your book but my desire is so strong I can't help it. I want to be summisive but it's proven to be so darn hard for me.
ReplyDeleteLittle history I 'came out' a little over a year ago and we have played a handful of time since but I want/need more. Any advice?
thanks
Hi Vivian. I posted a comment yesterday complaining that my hubby isn't taking the time to read the book. I said we got into a big fight etc. Just wanted to let you know that last night while he was messing with his fishing stuff I openned the book and read to him. We got through practically the whole book. Although he was doing something else I could tell he was listening too b/c he was asking questions and this morning I'm sitting very carefully on my freshly spanked bottom. My 1st one with the belt. OUCH! Anyway me reading it to him worked really well as an ice breaker into conversation. I ended up telling him more than I thought I ever would and we both feel great about it. Thanks so much. Bonnie at bottomsmarts was ther reason I was brave enough to come out and you and your writings are the reason he's understanding what it's all about and I am confident in my desires enought to let him know.
ReplyDeletethank you thank you thank you!
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful pair of posts! Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm always happy to answer more questions either here or on email. Don't hesitate to email me at Vivian@TheDisciplinedFeminist.com.
Warmest,
Viv
Just wanted to say THANK YOU!!! It really did match very closely with what I want, more closely than I wanted to admit.
ReplyDeleteHighlighted the book and gave it to my spouse to read. They read it with me right then. And you could see they understood exactly what/why I'd tried to explain before. And the results have been amazing! THANK YOU so much for explaining so well.
You're quite welcome! Thank you for the kind words.
DeleteWarmest,
Viv