tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post1723509036214826051..comments2023-10-05T08:43:27.995-06:00Comments on THE DISCIPLINED FEMINIST: Going to Extremes: An Alternative Perspective on Women, DD & WorkUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-64487227866843781792009-05-27T21:45:28.597-06:002009-05-27T21:45:28.597-06:00Thanks for your comment!
I suspect that the evolu...Thanks for your comment!<br /><br />I suspect that the evolution from emphasizing the external masculine/feminine to the internal one is part of the discovery process that DD allows for.<br /><br />It's probably natural that a desire for DD arises out of a feeling of being too masculine/not feminine enough due to career, modern gender roles, etc. <br /><br />The understanding that one can (and must!) balance one's internal archetypes before being able to safely express the feminine probably takes the experience of being unbalanced the other way with DD before it really hits home. (A case of the pendulum needing to swing all the way to both sides before resting more comfortably in the center, perhaps.)<br /><br />Thank you so much for commenting!Vivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-50406653290552180802009-05-27T21:03:25.018-06:002009-05-27T21:03:25.018-06:00Vivian: I have been reading your blog for awhile n...Vivian: I have been reading your blog for awhile now and always find myself wishing you would look more into the idea that everyone must have both the masculine and the feminine side to be whole. I am so glad you did. Thanks for writing. I am looking forward to reading your book. That must be very exciting to have a book!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-26975263478372225422009-04-28T11:35:00.000-06:002009-04-28T11:35:00.000-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Vivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-1397160368979325732009-04-28T02:32:00.000-06:002009-04-28T02:32:00.000-06:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-22078400232022178092009-04-27T12:00:00.000-06:002009-04-27T12:00:00.000-06:00Hi Rich,
Thanks for your posting, as always.
I s...Hi Rich,<br /><br />Thanks for your posting, as always.<br /><br />I stand by my association of dominant and masculine. However, I do suspect many people frequently get tangled up in trying to understand what this means.<br /><br />Everything about our physiology and biology makes it clear that masculinity is associated with dominance -- from the sex act (thrusting rather than receiving), to the sex organs (an outward weapon rather than an inward chasm) to our physical strength (men have it naturally more than women) equates masculine with dominance. <br /><br />We don't get a choice about this -- it's the way things are, biologically. We can play with these roles to experiment by doing things like having the woman be assertive during sex or having the male be a submissive, but none of this changes the physical reality of the differences between us biologically and physically.<br /><br />Where people get confused, I think, is in equivocating masculinity exclusively with being male. This is, I believe, the mistake that I and other women have frequently made.<br /><br />Jung pointed out, correctly, I believe, that all people have an inner masculine and an inner feminine. This duality is also not something we get a choice about. What we do get a choice about is how we balance those internal forces and which one we choose to emphasize in our public and private lives.<br /><br />As I wrote to Sara, there IS in fact a magic formula. And it's telling that she writes, literally, that that magic formula "is a myth." Because although this is not, I suspect, how she intended it, what she actually wrote is right. We find the magic formula for how to become health, integrated human beings in myths -- myths which by and large show us a roadmap for finding that balance between our inner masculine and our inner feminine.<br /><br />By the way, it's not clear to me where you're getting the idea that the masculine expression in my personality includes a need to hurt people. If I've in any way implied this, I've miscommunicated.<br /><br />The masculine impulses that I believe many DD women struggle with (self included) is the need to assert oneself psychologically, stand up for what we think is right, create boundaries, etc. That this can be literally explored (as most archetypally-based concepts can) through physical combat is not the same as saying that the initial impulse is about hurting people!<br /><br />I hope that makes sense.<br /><br />Thanks again for contributing, all of you!<br /><br />VivVivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-2844335422118446112009-04-27T03:27:00.000-06:002009-04-27T03:27:00.000-06:00Vivian,
I still think you should separate the con...Vivian,<br /><br />I still think you should separate the concept of "masculine" from the concept of "dominant". While we associate dominant behavior with men, I think that's caused by the tendency of men to have higher free testosterone levels, which are associated with aggressive behavior.<br /><br />There is a wide variation in testosterone levels on an individual basis, probably far more than the actual difference between men and women.<br /><br />Also, unless someone has a relatively high level of testosterone, I don't think they will have such a strong desire to be dominant that that will be the determining factor. A much higher factor is probably their associations with specific experiences.<br /><br />A man, for example, who has submissive experiences that are also sexually charged may easily develop an association between the two. (This is really in the realm of paraphilias.)<br /><br />In any case, I think you will find it easier to understand dominance if you detach the concepts of masculine and dominant.<br /><br />However, testosterone is definitely associated with aggression. The feeling that you want to dominate another or even hurt them is probably driven to a certain extent by testosterone. There can be other components. For example, you might have a belief that certain behavior should be punished. This can be completely independent of the emotional component. But, testosterone is associated with anger and aggression. Since men have much higher average levels of testosterone than women, it is no wonder that we've built up a societal association between masculine and aggressive behavior.<br /><br />Sports and other physical exertions burn off testosterone. So, it's no wonder you feel less dominant afterward. That's why we have sports teams for cities and why we have (or should have) a lot of sports for high schools. It is preferable for cities to have sports teams than armies.<br /><br />I agree with Sara that there's no formula. However, the underlying dynamics apply to everyone in varying degrees. So, using up testosterone through intense martial arts makes sense to me. I think you are right that it is adding balance to your life, something that allows you to channel your desires in more constructive ways. Good luck!<br /><br />--RichAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-14146057643915613502009-04-25T12:40:00.000-06:002009-04-25T12:40:00.000-06:00Hi Sara,
Thanks for commenting!
I suspect that t...Hi Sara,<br /><br />Thanks for commenting!<br /><br />I suspect that there is actually a "magic formula" -- balance. Archetypal healing is based on the idea of finding a balance between archetypes. The key is, though, and this is perhaps what you're getting at, that what constitutes that balance is different for every relationship. <br /><br />The level of submission in every relationship differs from mild to extreme, as most likely does the level of dominance required for each person to find their own balance. The "magic" seems to be doing the self-exploration to determine what "balance" means for each person.<br /><br />Thanks, as always, for reading.<br /><br />Warmest,<br />VivVivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-33384182873363190352009-04-25T05:24:00.000-06:002009-04-25T05:24:00.000-06:00Vivian, there is no formula. That's a myth. Howev...Vivian, there is no formula. That's a myth. However, learning what you need and being real and honest with yourself and your partner lead to fulfillment (with the right partner). If you feel have to squelch yourself to fit into a DD lifestyle, then you are not doing it right....it will never work long term. If you have to lower yourself to stoop under his authority, in the end, you will fail. If you pursue developing yourself, ALL of you, as a multi faceted and smart and talented woman according to your needs and your strengths and capabilities, you will find a way to feel fulfilled in roles out side the relationship, and then to work through what you and your partner need to do within the relationship to make THAT work separate and apart , but connected. Doing things that way lets the relationship stand alone in a way, if that makes sense? I am a leader, a dominant in the work place, and submissive in my home. The two do not conflict for me or for my husband. In fact they compliment as the more self assured I become in being that in one arena, the better I become in being the opposite in the other. It has felt to me like expanding my reservoir of capabilities, and has been satisfying on multiple levels..as if more of me is available in my life. It sounds like the Martial Arts Training was just the right thing!Sarahttp://findingsara.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com