tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post1458364322817700606..comments2023-10-05T08:43:27.995-06:00Comments on THE DISCIPLINED FEMINIST: Private vs. SecretUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-42078107091622874912014-06-12T13:42:00.158-06:002014-06-12T13:42:00.158-06:00Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your post and your th...Hi Anonymous,<br /><br />Thank you for your post and your thoughts!<br /><br />RE: your question about spanking parties, I'm not sure I'm the right person to weigh in on things like this. For me, DD is about a private arrangement between two people in a committed exclusive relationship and that's where it gets its value as a relationship/bonding tool.<br /><br />I know there are lots of other variations. They're just not variations I feel I can speak to with any sort of authority. But there are lots of other blogs and books out there that speak more to that sort of thing, and I bet you find someone who can advise you!<br /><br />Warmest,<br />VivVivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-25935062649254754052014-06-11T18:30:21.004-06:002014-06-11T18:30:21.004-06:00For my partner and I the differences between secre...For my partner and I the differences between secret and private spankings are as follows. <br />Those that are secret are ones no one but us know about. No one knows they happen. No one else is present. <br />Private spankings are just that. They are not open to the public, or discussed with anyone not in the room at the time of the spankings. <br />Private spankings include those just where my partner lowers my panties and vigorously administers the wooden back of her hairbrush to my bare behind. They may be only when we two are together alone. They may be witnessed and participated in by her friends who are invited. <br />They are all women who spank their husbands, or dates. <br />They are private, but not secret. <br />That is just our take on the matter. <br />Vivian, we are thinking of having a spanking party where her friends could join us, and bring their men over for group sessions. What are your thoughts on this? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-9882022525551769052007-01-23T08:20:00.000-07:002007-01-23T08:20:00.000-07:00What if our image of Hillary taking the oath of of...<i>What if our image of Hillary taking the oath of office were superimposed with the of image Hillary, business skirt pulled up, bottom bared and red, sobbing as she stands in the corner following a spanking from Bill for having spoken to him disrespectfully?</I><br /><br />That's quite a vivid image! It will be hard for me to see her on TV and not be thinking... hmmmm....<br /><br />Many women have told me that the private, secret element to DD is part of what they enjoy about it. While many have incorporated it into their lives in a matter-of-fact way, especially married couples over time, it still retains a certain definite <i>frisson</i> because of the necessary <i>discretion</i> that comes with it. So, some words have added meaning, some looks have meaning, and even some gestures have meaning - when shared with the spouse in question.<br /><br />At the same time, a friend told me that she occasionally longed for a warm, supportive community of female friends who were all quite familiar with being “taken to task” by their husbands from time to time. I suggested the idea of a 1950s style bridge club – each member of the group prone to sharing, with a wry face or a rueful smile, both her own transgressions and her loving, but very strict husband’s “old fashioned” response. The group would, by its nature, support the role of the husband as leader and “head of household” while at the same time being a place to share – along with all the other support and sharing friends naturally do for each other.<br /><br />Women do tend to bond over shared information. So, given this context, it wouldn’t be difficult to envision a young mother warning the other wives away from a parking meter whose timing “just couldn’t” be right – as she seeks the softest chair for the game.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-1150084863658857222007-01-21T13:31:00.000-07:002007-01-21T13:31:00.000-07:00Thanks for commenting, Mary. Ramble all you want. ...Thanks for commenting, Mary. Ramble all you want. If I got you thinking, that's the highest compliment a writer can get -- thank YOU for that and I hope you'll come visit often!<br /><br />-VivVivianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11008724776478015660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8902179632740561852.post-75016057177445857262007-01-21T13:26:00.000-07:002007-01-21T13:26:00.000-07:00I love your thought provoking posts. I too have so...I love your thought provoking posts. I too have some of the shame - secrecy issues stemming from childhood. It took a while to not feel ashamed of my need to be spanked. Funny though, the more I worked with a therapist on other issues of shame as a child - the less ashamed I felt of enjoying the stability my discipline provided in my life. I spoke to my partner a ton on the issue. He used a coaching analogy Athletes use coaches and trainers that push them - and some may say punish them with extra work when they haven't met up with expectations. They submit to a trainer/coach voluntarily to improve themselves. In the end, when they are successful it IS their achievement, but many thank their coaches for pushing and holding them accountable in practice, because without them they may not have gone so far. <br />So bottom line, if we were running laps instead of being spanked - the D/d relationship we have with our partners would not only be normal it would be admired.<br />All this said, I do not announce my needs to the world either - but that is because of their ignorance about the complexities of my own nature. I am grateful to these blogs where we do find a community that does understand we are all complex and for some of us - this works. THank you for being so open and honest here. It is a gift to have a place where our needs to not have to be kept secret. (In saying that - isn't it nice to admit that D/d in someways is a letting out of a secret - or admitting vulnerablity and a NEED - a need to have someone hold us accountable without holding it against us that we are not perfect and we do need help to be our best self. Perhaps for me that is the liberation - I can admit to my parter that I do need help, that I need this type of attention, and that I do mess up - and by spanking me and then loving/respecting me as woderfully as ever - I can accept that imperfection and having unconventional needs is simply human and not an indicaton that I am somehow defective. Sorry for the ramble - but you really got me thinking.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com